+1 Makes 4

So the cat has pretty much clawed its way out of the bag. Kassidy, Kayden and I are expanding our family. We're not getting a fish (pretty sure it wouldn't live too long), a hamster, a kitten, or a puppy. Nope, we're getting... a new human. That's right, a new human being to come live with us. To be in our home. To be a part of our family

WHAT?!?!?! I've gotten that reaction from some people. It's the 'deer-in-the-headlights-are-you-out-of-your-freaking-mind' look. Or the 'you-don't-know-what-you're-getting-into' look. Here's the deal. I'm not out of my mind. I know what I'm getting into to an extent (there's a lot of factors that I'll deal with as they come).

I love kids. I'd have an entire herd of them if I could. I look at my life now and think, "Wow, this sure isn't where I thought I'd be at 29." Honestly, are we ever where we thought we'd be? This isn't what I thought my life would look like. It's not even close. In fact, it couldn't be anymore opposite. But you know what? It couldn't be any better. I feel like I am living in a fairy tale. I have friends I can call any time of the day. I have coworkers I can call family. I have a solid support system. Most of all, I have 2 awesome kids. I have a daughter who is beautiful both inside and out. She makes my heart absolutely burst with pride. Sometimes I watch her interact and see her empathy and love for others and it makes me tear up. That girl is going to do great things. I have a son who has made my perspective so different and forced me to look at life better. Through a series of unexpected turns and events he changed my life. He's so incredibly intuitive to me and my feelings that I know he will make an incredible husband and father. He loves big and he loves the small things big. He pays attention to detail and above all, he loves his mama. These two, they own me.

I never thought I'd have two kids at 22. I never thought I'd be divorced at 22. I never thought I'd be faced with the challenges I was those first few years after the divorce. I never thought I'd watch children die like I have. I never thought I'd see failed relationships with those close to me like I have. But never say never, right? I also never thought I'd go to Africa and have my heart absolutely broken. I never thought that I would literally be down on my knees, tears streaming down my face, crying for God to break me of my worldly ways. I never thought I could feel the way I did. I never thought that at 29, as a single mom, I would be starting the adoption process to add to my family.

I face the stereotypical single mom challenges. However, I'm lucky that Kassidy and Kayden have an awesome dad and stepmom who love them like crazy, so I get 50% of the time to myself. However, there's dating challenges, financial challenges, and just general single mom challenges. I can't do many things my single friends do. Some of them get it, some of them don't. When my new child comes home, I'll be able to do even less. And while it's going to be a huge adjustment for me since I love to be social, I'm okay with it. Am I worried about the money? I've spent the last 10 years of my life worried about the money. This endeavor will probably cost approximately $35,000, give or take $5,000 or so. I'm not worried about one single penny. You know why? Because this is my path.

Most, actually all of the people who know me know I'm not a huge religion person. I'm not going to sit here and quote Bible verses and tell you God speaks to me audibly. I've always been spiritual but it's no secret I've had my struggles with church. However, as I've stepped into this path of adoption, I've never felt more calm or sure in a decision. I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is God's path for my family and I, therefore I have faith that He'll provide whatever we may need along the way. As Christians, we're called to love and to take care of orphans and widows. How we're called to do so is different for everyone. This is my calling.

So yeah, I'm adopting. Will it affect my dating life? Probably. Do I care? Not one single bit. Will it be hard financially? Maybe. Do I care? Nope. Will it be a hard process? Yep. Will it stop me? Watch me.

+1 Makes 4.

This Feeling

Sometimes single parenting is tough. Sometimes it's really difficult. Sometimes you have to make really hard decisions. Sometimes you get to share in amazing moments alone and can just bask in the joy. I got one of those moments tonight. It made my heart burst with joy so much that words really cannot describe it.

I've been a single parent for about 6.5 years. It hasn't always been easy. In fact a lot of times it has stunk. I'm always amazed when a married mother's husband is away for work for a period of time and she states she now knows what it's like to be a single mom. Really? You still have someone you can talk to about what your kid is doing, how your day was. You still have your husband's paycheck you can depend on. You have NO idea what it's like. It's day in, day out on your own. No one else to vent to, no one else's money to depend on. It's tough. Being a single parent (man or woman) is one of the hardest jobs there ever will be. On the opposite hand it is probably one of the most rewarding.

Whether or not you're co-parenting (like I do) or you're truly a 100% single parent (kudos to you, you're a rockstar), when your kid does something awesome, it's a damn good feeling, pardon my language, but it really is. I was lucky enough to have a moment like that tonight.

It's no secret that I want my kids to grow up knowing that they are blessed. I want to expose them to as much as I can - but only as they're ready. Tonight I showed them the trailer to the premiere of a movie, Man Up and Go that I'm going to see this weekend. Click here to see the trailer. I explained what some of the things are in it, and I saw my daughter's eyes widen in oblivion and her face soften and the tears form in the corners of her eyes. My kids know that Africa burned something in my heart that will always be there. They know it changed me, therefore it changed us as a family.

A little later over dinner Kassidy said they need to make their Christmas list. I asked her what she wanted and she rattled off a couple things, then said, "You know, I really don't expect anything. I'll be happy with whatever I get. What if we ask Santa to give the gifts to other kids who don't have as much?" At this Kayden said, "Yeah, we could ask him to give them to Africa. Do you think when you go back you could take them some food and water? Because they die because they don't have clean water." Any of you who know me probably know I wanted to burst out in tears right then. I just smiled and said sure, I bet we could ask him to do that.

I've never said a word to the kids about that, because I want them to believe in Santa for as long as possible. I want them to have that childhood innocence because I believe kids should have that. I don't know where they got these ideas. I encourage them to always give to others who don't have as much. But I have never done an Angel Tree because how would I explain that Santa doesn't visit those houses? So I wasn't quite sure where it came from. What I do know is that I'm freaking as proud as a parent can be right now, and I know that this is due to their dad, stepmom and myself. I don't know everything that goes on at their dad's house and I don't need to know. What I do know is that they're teaching them to love, and they're teaching them God's love. I know we're not perfect and we sure don't always do things right, but somewhere along the way we've taught them something right and God's given them both a tender heart. And I'm a proud proud mama....

So if you're a parent out there who is frustrated, at your wit's end, or wondering if a break will ever come, it's out there. Because believe me, back in the day, when things were rough there were absolutely days I never thought I could make it as a parent and days I never envisioned feeling like this. And it happened. This... this feeling.

Single Mom Dating

Everybody knows dating's tough. Or at least that seems to be the general consensus amongst my friends. When do I call? What do I say? What if she talks about marriage on the first date? What if he's only after sex? When is it okay to have the DTR? Can I touch her there? What if he touches that? The questions are endless. So, imagine how much more difficult it can be when you throw in the whole "I've got kids."

I've been a single parent for 6 years. For awhile, I didn't do much dating, then I did a lot of dating, and now I'm back to not doing it again. I've learned a few things, and I've definitely watched a lot of people date and seen their reactions.

Here's 10 things I've learned, some single mom related, some not.

1. It has the potential to suck.
     a. But no matter how much it sucks, we always do it again, even when we swear we won't.
     b. Because honestly? I don't think humans were made to be alone forever. Just for awhile. Sometimes long whiles.

2. You get your feelings hurt.
     a. You WILL recover. She/he may not come back, but someone else will be better. Don't give up.
     b. If they call you fat or ugly, that's not hurting your feelings, that's plain mean. Don't put up with it.  
     c. When you're hurting someone, remember how much it sucks when you get hurt. So be gentle, and don't burn any bridges.
     d. If you never get your feelings hurt, you are not human.

3. Women are way too emotional.
     a. Come on girls, drop it. Don't over analyze every single thing. Sometimes, just let things be. Let it go.
     b. However, we wouldn't be women if we weren't emotional.
     c. Men are emotional - just in their own way. Like, after their favorite team loses. Girls, zip it when this happens.
     d. Men, sometimes women just need you to listen. And act like you care. And hold us. This probably means we don't need your commentary about how we overreacted or how we should just get over it.
     e. Insane women, please do not give us normal or even not typical women a bad name.
     f. Don't let sex ruin your relationship. Don't lead anyone on. Don't use anyone. Not cool.

4. When you drop the "I have two kids," men tend to get skiddish.
     a. I think this is slightly unfair. I mean, it doesn't change who am I at my core.
     b. Just because I have kids doesn't mean I want to marry you. It seems men seem to think this automatically means I'm looking for something serious. It doesn't. It just means... I have two kids.
     c. In fact, it doesn't even mean I want to ever speak to you again.
     d. My kids are cool, but no, you do not get to meet them.
     e. Yes, I think it's something that should be told upfront, no matter the intent of the relationship. Just being honest.

5. You can't change people.
     a. You shouldn't want to change people.
     b. Let people be themselves.
     c. You shouldn't change who you are for someone else.

6. My kids have to come first.
     a. It's not that I don't care about you. It's that I care about them more. You'll understand someday when you have children.
     b. Please don't make me choose. That's wrong.    
     c. Don't ask me to pay a babysitter to go with you to something unnecessary. If it's your granny's 90th birthday party, okay. If it's to sit around and look at each other, no.

7.  My kids already have a dad. They don't need another one.
     a. He is their daddy. You will not be. There are boundaries here.
     b. If you get to meet my children, consider it a privilege, not a right.

8. I do not need you. (as a general rule, see 8f)
     a. I am a successful, independent woman. The last thing I need is you.
     b. I pay my bills, I enjoy my life. Don't think that you are doing me any favors. I am not a charity case just because I am a single mom.
     c. I have an incredible circle of close friends. I do need them.
     e. I am a grown-ass woman.
     f. Sometimes, I may need your support. This is different than needing you.

9. If you're in my life, it's because I want you there.
     a. Don't flatter yourself. I got this.
     b. See 8c. Those friends? They will always be in my life. Deal with it.
     c. I have a career, I have hobbies, and I have friends. Let me do mine, you do yours. We don't need to be around each other all the time - what fun is that?

10. It is supposed to be fun!
     a. Sure, it's never going to be perfect, but if it's never fun, it isn't worth it. Life is too short.
     b. If it's constant dread, it's not right. Do yourself both a favor, and get out.