Thursday, January 26, 2012

If I Were a Guy

If I were a guy, my name would probably be spelled Aaron. I would probably have short hair and hopefully be a little taller. (Wait, who am I kidding, I'm Asian, we're all short).

Okay, that's not what this post is about. This post is about how, if I were a guy, I can imagine these things about women would drive me nuts. It's nothing against women, some of these things are characteristics or attitudes that I possess and exercise.

So, here's a few things that I would imagine would drive me nuts, if I were a guy. Some guys may not be bothered by these, but again, these are my opinions.

High Maintenance: I just don't get it. Girls who have to have things just right or else they throw a fit. For example, if their food touches on the plate they throw it away. Or the girl who won't drink tap water, even if you have a filter. Or the girl who is only focused on name brands.

Whiny: Does this even need any detail? I mean, sure it can be cute for maybe a sentence or two, but anymore past that it's like nails on the chalkboard. My kids even know better to whine - it means a spanking is coming. It's like women revert to their 5 year old self to get their way.

Spend Forever Getting Ready: I honestly don't get this one. I can be showered, dressed, make up done and out the door in 30 minutes... if I have to. But two hours? Come on girls, if you neeed that long, nothing is going to make it look better.

Not Accepting a Compliment: So a guy tells a girl that she looks great in a dress. She immediately responds "Oh, no, I look fat!" Really? If you honestly thought you looked fat, you wouldn't be wearing it. Say thank you and move on.

Drama, Drama, Drama: I am not sure what draws women to this, but seriously - it is no longer high school, or junior high for that matter. Grow up, act like an adult, and stop gossiping and being a drama queen; because karma is a bitch.

Try to change them, but then get mad if they mention something you could do differently: Let people be themselves. If you don't like that, then move on, he's not the right one. You don't like it when he does it to you? Don't do it to him.

Cry for no apparent reason: There are times when crying is perfectly acceptable. But don't do it just to get attention. That's annoying.

Roll your eyes because he wants to watch sports: You know how you love to shop? He loves to watch football. Don't whine, but don't talk the entire time if you are watching with him. Let him enjoy it.

Read into What He Says: If he says I'm tired, I want to go to bed early, don't start thinking he no longer likes you. The boy is tired.

Get mad when he doesn't call during boys night: When you're out with your girlfriends, you want to enjoy your time. Let him enjoy his time. He'll make a point to call you during boys night if he's really into you.

Overanalyze: Just don't do it. If you must, do it with your girlfriend. Not him.

Always have to be the center of attention: Need I say more?

Criticize things they love: A shirt from high school; their mother; the music they love; their favorite movie; that old gross pair of house shoes. Let them love it. And love them for it.

Not making a decision: Just decide. Be assertive. Don't always say "I don't care."

Be needy: In fact, be your own person. Be the type of woman that when you wake up in the morning and your feet hit the floor, the devil says "Oh shit, she's up".

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Single Mom Dating

Everybody knows dating's tough. Or at least that seems to be the general consensus amongst my friends. When do I call? What do I say? What if she talks about marriage on the first date? What if he's only after sex? When is it okay to have the DTR? Can I touch her there? What if he touches that? The questions are endless. So, imagine how much more difficult it can be when you throw in the whole "I've got kids."

I've been a single parent for 6 years. For awhile, I didn't do much dating, then I did a lot of dating, and now I'm back to not doing it again. I've learned a few things, and I've definitely watched a lot of people date and seen their reactions.

Here's 10 things I've learned, some single mom related, some not.

1. It has the potential to suck.
     a. But no matter how much it sucks, we always do it again, even when we swear we won't.
     b. Because honestly? I don't think humans were made to be alone forever. Just for awhile. Sometimes long whiles.

2. You get your feelings hurt.
     a. You WILL recover. She/he may not come back, but someone else will be better. Don't give up.
     b. If they call you fat or ugly, that's not hurting your feelings, that's plain mean. Don't put up with it.  
     c. When you're hurting someone, remember how much it sucks when you get hurt. So be gentle, and don't burn any bridges.
     d. If you never get your feelings hurt, you are not human.

3. Women are way too emotional.
     a. Come on girls, drop it. Don't over analyze every single thing. Sometimes, just let things be. Let it go.
     b. However, we wouldn't be women if we weren't emotional.
     c. Men are emotional - just in their own way. Like, after their favorite team loses. Girls, zip it when this happens.
     d. Men, sometimes women just need you to listen. And act like you care. And hold us. This probably means we don't need your commentary about how we overreacted or how we should just get over it.
     e. Insane women, please do not give us normal or even not typical women a bad name.
     f. Don't let sex ruin your relationship. Don't lead anyone on. Don't use anyone. Not cool.

4. When you drop the "I have two kids," men tend to get skiddish.
     a. I think this is slightly unfair. I mean, it doesn't change who am I at my core.
     b. Just because I have kids doesn't mean I want to marry you. It seems men seem to think this automatically means I'm looking for something serious. It doesn't. It just means... I have two kids.
     c. In fact, it doesn't even mean I want to ever speak to you again.
     d. My kids are cool, but no, you do not get to meet them.
     e. Yes, I think it's something that should be told upfront, no matter the intent of the relationship. Just being honest.

5. You can't change people.
     a. You shouldn't want to change people.
     b. Let people be themselves.
     c. You shouldn't change who you are for someone else.

6. My kids have to come first.
     a. It's not that I don't care about you. It's that I care about them more. You'll understand someday when you have children.
     b. Please don't make me choose. That's wrong.    
     c. Don't ask me to pay a babysitter to go with you to something unnecessary. If it's your granny's 90th birthday party, okay. If it's to sit around and look at each other, no.

7.  My kids already have a dad. They don't need another one.
     a. He is their daddy. You will not be. There are boundaries here.
     b. If you get to meet my children, consider it a privilege, not a right.

8. I do not need you. (as a general rule, see 8f)
     a. I am a successful, independent woman. The last thing I need is you.
     b. I pay my bills, I enjoy my life. Don't think that you are doing me any favors. I am not a charity case just because I am a single mom.
     c. I have an incredible circle of close friends. I do need them.
     e. I am a grown-ass woman.
     f. Sometimes, I may need your support. This is different than needing you.

9. If you're in my life, it's because I want you there.
     a. Don't flatter yourself. I got this.
     b. See 8c. Those friends? They will always be in my life. Deal with it.
     c. I have a career, I have hobbies, and I have friends. Let me do mine, you do yours. We don't need to be around each other all the time - what fun is that?

10. It is supposed to be fun!
     a. Sure, it's never going to be perfect, but if it's never fun, it isn't worth it. Life is too short.
     b. If it's constant dread, it's not right. Do yourself both a favor, and get out.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Freeing My Mind


These questions have no right or wrong answers. Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? This is hard, since there are so many ages in front of myself which I have yet to be. But I'd honestly have to say 28, because I'm pretty happy where I am right now.

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Failing.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Because we are too wrapped up in our selfish lives to realize that we're doing it.

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? I sure as hell hope not.

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? Hurt. I hate to see people hurting.

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Helping others and saving the world.

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? A little of both. I absolutely love my job and where I'm at with life. However, if I had my way I would be doing non profit work full time.

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I wouldn't be working a normal job, I can say that.

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? I didn't control a whole lot of it until the last 6 years. Now I feel like I control a good portion of it.

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing the right things. I'm going to screw up, make mistakes, and regret. But hopefully I will always do the right thing.

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of
yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do? I politely give my opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions be it distasteful and unjustified or praising. That's the beauty of our country - being able to have said opinions and voicing them without, hopefully fear of repercussion.

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Love fully.

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? It would depend on the law. Break the speed limit to get someone dying to the hospital? Absolutely. Kill someone? Absolutely not.

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? hmmm....

15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? I feel as though I need to choose my words carefully here. I know that I give of myself differently than many, but that in no way makes me a better person than the next. It's just different.

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? Because we are all different, thank goodness. It's what makes us unique.

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back? Travel the world. Easy - finances, kids, time off from work.

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Every day.

19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? I haven't been to enough places to answer this with certainty, but I would say somewhere with beautiful scenery.

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? No, because it doesn't.

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? Joy always fills the heart.

22. Why are you, you? I suppose because it's who I've become.

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? I can only hope.

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch.

25. What are you most grateful for? Being alive.

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? Lose the old ones; new ones can be made.

27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? Sure.

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? I have two major fears in life - one is losing a child, which has not come true, the other is spending my life alone, which has no come true either.

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? sure.

30. Does it really matter now? It does in the sense that it made me a stronger, better, more cognizant person.

31. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special? Fishing with my grandad. Greatest man on earth right there.

32. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? If not now, then when? When I am doing something I love.

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? Everything and nothing.

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? No, but I sure hope that happens before I die.

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? I wish it didn't. I wish people were more tolerant. I'm Christian, but I don't pass any ill will or judgment on someone who wants to worship someone or something else. Just as I have a right to be a Christian, the next person has a right to be as they choose.

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? I truly believe all evil has a shred of goodness somewhere deep inside. Sometimes it's just never revealed.

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? Nope.

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? More work any day of the week.

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? Only 99.

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? A couple of years ago. And I've grown so much because of it.

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? As many as I could.

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? Never in a million years.

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Being alive is simply breathing. Truly living is being passionate. It's feeling emotion. Loving. Empathizing. Living. Laughing. Dancing.

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? The moment you know it's right, do it.

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? Society has taught us it isn't okay to mess up.

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? So many things.

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Today, I'm congested.

48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? I love my children.

49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that? Highly unlikely.

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?  I make my own decisions.