Two simple words that change your life in an absolute instant. Goes a little something like this for me.
I remember the first time I found out I had a little bundle of joy in the works. There I was, sitting on my toilet in our little ghetto-ized one bedroom apartment. I had something like five or six pregnancy tests all around me, the contents of the boxes strewn about the bathroom floor. All were positive. I was a mess. A crying, hysterical mess. Pink lines, plus signs, what the heck?! We had only been married a few months! I was only 19! This wasn't supposed to happen! They all said, oh, you've been on the pill for years, a couple of weeks will be okay. Yeah, well, they were wrong. I remember in my panic we drove to a clinic for an additional test, only to later figure out it was a clinic that counseled women who were not wanting to continue with their pregnancy. My intention was to just have a professional tell me it was real. It was just very unexpected for me, that's all. 40 weeks, at least that many gallons of ice cream, approximately 100 packages of gummi bears, and a very healthy, pregnant, chubby 176-lb Asian marshmallow looking Erin later, along came a little angel, Kassidy Noelle. Just two days after I turned 20, there she was. The sweetest little baby, with a head full of pitch black hair. 7 lbs, 11 ounces of nothing but pure love. My entire world was placed in my arms. I never knew that love could feel like that. So simple. So bundled. So her. She gave me love, crazy love. From that moment on, I could finally say I knew what unconditional love was.
The second time it wasn't nearly as charming. It came at a much more volatile time in my life and I knew I was pregnant, so it only took one little test. The pregnancy was tough with a sit-down talk in the depressing, messy office of my obstetrician looking at me with a furrowed brow. I still remember him looking down at me (I remain haunted by feeling like he was perched on his desk) telling me I would have to decide if I would want to terminate my pregnancy. Terminate. Really? Dude... I'm a little country girl from Nebraska. Don't use those big words with me! He had his medical reasons for telling me this. There was a very high likelihood that there were going to be very serious medical issues with my little one this time around and that he/she would have permanent problems. Wow. Talk about heartbreak. Not the news you want to hear when you're sitting there, alone, and you know your marriage is unraveling fast. Continual ultrasounds, tests, attorney visits, tears, a separation, a move, going into labor alone, being in the hospital alone. Not the way you dream what should be the happiest moments of your life should be. But, a happy, healthy little Kayden James was born, and my life would be forever changed, and only for the better. Unconditional love, round 2.
Seems like people all around me are pregnant. So, I can't help but wonder what my third time around will be like.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
February: The month of my sweet little boy's birth. He would be the big 4 this month! Seems hard to believe that it's been that long, and he is growing like a weed. A funny, funny kid, he never ceases to make me laugh, smile, or fuss! Here's a shot of me and the birthday boy.
March: The month my life would be forever changed, one happy, one very sad. I finished my first half marathon. March 7th, 2010, I was a participant in the Disney Princess Half Marathon at Disneyworld in Orlando, Florida. The best part of this race was being a member of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team in Training (TNT). The world's largest endurance athlete training program, I can't begin to tell you the benefits this gives people. Hundreds of thousands of dollars were raised for vital research to help save lives. I didn't know it, but being a TNT participant would be a turning point in my life. Later in the month, my high was forced to a low as I saw one of my friends suffer the effects of cancer. Janet was a sweet 14 year old girl I had met through the Make-a-Wish Foundation and we became fast friends. Loving her like a younger sister, it was so incredibly difficult to watch her suffer as I knew she was leaving this earth. I visited her as often as I could, even if only for a few moments. I knew her days were numbered.
|The family at Leela's graduation reception|
June: Somewhere in this month I was given more responsibility at work, and really began to settle into my job. I realized that I didn't want just a job, but a career. I ended up in court at the end of May, only to finally work things out with my ex-husband and then change almost everything. Kassidy questioned why her dad and I weren't friends; we both decided it was time to do better, and ever since then we have. Life gets so much easier and more fulfilling when you have peace. I'm so very thankful for this.
July: This month must have been relatively quiet, I don't really remember anything major. The fall was a very busy time for me, and I was also preparing for my daughter to start the second grade. No longer a baby, but a very perceptive little girl who can read, write, and is just plain too smart for her own good.
August: New Orleans! I had never been and my awesome and very cool friend Chris lives there, so I thought why not? It had been a couple of years since I'd seen him and it gave me a great excuse to go on a little weekend trip. Little Bourbon Street, little seafood, little craziness. By the way, that's water I'm drinking...
At the end of the month, here goes Churchill Mortgage again supporting another well deserving cause. We were a corporate sponsor for the 2nd Annual Run for Mercy 5K, benefiting Mercy Ministries. We had a huge turnout and this picture is just a part of our team. Our owner is incredibly generous and I am lucky to be employed amongst such wonderful people there. Working there is like having another family.
So, I've been reflecting, relaxing, sleeping, and recovering from a nagging cold. I had Christmas with the kids over New Year's, and now I'm ready to face 2011.