Sunday, December 26, 2010

This is Where I'm Supposed to Be

I've spent a great deal of time thinking about this one. In fact, I started it nearly a month ago and have been letting it marinate and trying to figure out what avenue I wanted to take. This one could probably turn into a multi-faceted post, but I'm going to try to condense it into one. We'll see about that.

Let's start with a little background.

When I came into this life, it was thousands of miles from where I called home as a child. I'll never know the exact details of my birth, or anything about my biological parents or family. However, as an infant, I was adopted into a family that is my own. I was flown over from South Korea and placed into the arms of my loving parents. In the matter of moments, I had wonderful parents and two older brothers and an older sister (later to be increased to 3 younger sisters and 1 younger brother). I'm thankful for them; and at that moment in time, it was right where I was supposed to be.

I grew up with a happy, healthy childhood. There were dorky years, there were awkward years, and there was a time when I thought I knew it all. I got married early, I definitely felt like it was the next step in my life. we moved a thousand miles away from home, bought a house and had a beautiful baby girl. 7 pounds, 11 ounces of instant conditional love. Never in my life did I feel that life could be more perfect. Soon, though, life happened and my marriage began to unravel. I soon found myself 8 months pregnant, separated, and living on my own. Giving birth to my precious little boy was bittersweet. I was saying goodbye to a husband and hello to my new angel. But, laying in that hospital bed with him in my arms, no one around, I was right where I was supposed to be.

In February of 2008, I took grasp of my first ever New Year's Resolution, and made the decision to give back. I began volunteering with the Make-a-Wish Foundation of Middle Tennessee and my life would be forever changed. I have been blessed with the absolute honor and privilege to meet so many incredible children and families. I can't mention them all here, but I wish they all knew what a significant impact they've made in my life. One of the greatest impacts was a sweet girl who looks down from above. Telling her goodbye was the hardest thing of my life, but I believe God put me there for a reason. Looking back, I know now that I was right where I was supposed to be.

In November of 2009, on a crazy whim decided to be a participant with Team in Training. Raising vital funds for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society would open my eyes to the generosity of some in the hope to alleviate some of the suffering of others. I've met some of my best friends and now look forward to those bright and early Saturday morning runs. I've become addicted and always look forward to the next race. A couple weeks ago my plan was put on hold due to a stress fracture. I cried and for a moment had to have my own pity party. About an hour or so after I left the doctor, with the boot on my foot, I had a meeting with my boss. He told me that maybe this was God's way of telling me it was time to slow down and that I just wasn't ready for a full marathon. I didn't like it, but I knew he was right.

This brings me to the present. I didn't have the kids for Christmas this year, and I couldn't make a trip home work. I was lucky enough to have friends to make me part of their families. I have great friends. I will do Christmas with the kids this next weekend and will get to see joy on their faces. It's been 5 years of singlehood (meaning no husband), and 1 year of no boyfriend. It's been a roller coaster of emotion for me, sometimes wondering what it is wrong with me that I'm still single. But it seems like at the moment when I will break down in tears, one of my fantastic girlfriends will be there to pick me up and encourage me, and remind me how great they think I am (what great friends, huh?).

So, here I am 27, divorced, with two kids. Single. Away from family, living on my own. Loving every single moment of life. Spending time raising my sweet babies Kassidy and Kayden, working for a company I love, and volunteering with two amazing non-profits that have both changed my life so differently yet so dramatically, the Make-a-Wish Foundation and the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Even though there are days when I wonder, when I lay my head down at night, I know that at the end of the day, I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

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